help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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