There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
