FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i drank out of a bidet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
