I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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