I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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