I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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