My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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