i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
