I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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