we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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