rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
