She is in my trunk
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
