Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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