Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
then he tried to convert me to islam
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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