I wanna passion pit in your ass
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
