I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
