Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
