He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
