Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
