So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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