We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
