Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
