Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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