I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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