i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
