Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
