my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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