Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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