He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
