he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Randomize
