he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
