the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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