Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
