his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
