Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
