my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
