the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
