see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
