I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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