Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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