My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
birth control should be required to get into college
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
