please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
