It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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