And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
