I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
