He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
