I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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