My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
