Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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