he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
