Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
