I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
