I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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