what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
