Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
